Making Friends With Death: A Buddhist Guide to Encountering Mortality by Judith L. Lief

Author:Judith L. Lief
Language: eng
Format: azw3
ISBN: 9781570623325
Publisher: Shambhala
Published: 2001-02-13T00:00:00+00:00

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Compassion

COMPASSION IS INHERENT in our very nature as human beings. It is natural to us. We do not need to create it. Cultivating compassion does not mean injecting some new, improved element into ourselves so that we can work more effectively. Instead, we simply uncover the compassion that is already there. How do we begin? We begin by examining the ways in which we mask this fundamental human quality.

Compassion has three major components: awareness, friendliness, and openness. We begin with awareness because it is important at the start to be clear about who we are—not who we wish to be, not who we hope we are, and not what others have told us we are or should be. When we are not constantly struggling to be something or somebody, we are not so hampered by our preconceptions, and we can see more clearly.

Friendliness is an extension of awareness because, as we become more honest with ourselves, more willing to drop false identities, we feel a fresh sense of appreciation for who we are. It is a relief when we have nothing left to hide and nothing in particular to promote. The warmth and appreciation that we feel when we begin to accept ourselves leads, in turn, to an increased appreciation of others.

By cultivating both awareness and friendliness, we also begin to develop greater openness. As a result of greater awareness, experiences and identities that we took to be solid begin to crumble. We are less caught in fixed views and more open to new perspectives. As a result of greater friendliness, we begin to be more appreciative of ourselves and others. Not only are our views less solid, but our heart also begins to open up. By cultivating awareness, friendliness, and openness, we are making room for compassion to peek through. We discover that if there is an opening for it, compassion is always present. Compassion arises on its own if we let it. It does not need to be forced but arises as a natural and appropriate response to the need at hand.

Compassion is based on empathy, being touched by the suffering of others. There are many levels of empathy. Someone who is greatly compassionate is so touched by the suffering of others that it cuts him deeply. He feels its sharpness as if it were a hair brushing the surface of his eye. Most of us are not that sensitive. When we notice the suffering of others, it is more like a hair brushing the palm of our hand. Often, our sensitivity to suffering is limited. On top of that, we have learned to harden our hearts further as a way of coping with the intensity of life and death. But it is possible to reverse this closing-down process and reconnect with our own heart. Instead of hiding from suffering, we could let ourselves feel its sharpness. Then our awareness, friendliness, and openness can blossom into true compassion, which is the will and commitment to help all beings and to relieve suffering whenever we encounter it.

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